Lies: Way Out In The Water, See It Swimming

I'm going to try and start a new swear gesture... I'm quite pleased by it, being the spur of the moment that it was... Another boring as fuck day came to a close at the office, and I was mindlessly stuck in traffic trying to distance myself from that place... I found myself strangely hypnotized by a portable compressor that a city truck was towing behind it... bobbling back and forth between the lane lines... the tail lights dancing before me like fireflies in the night... my head slowly swaying back and forth transfixed... in time with the sway... not noticing that I had crossed out of the left lane partially into the right, thus cutting off a less than enthused proud owner of a rusted Caravan...

I guess, from being an antagonistic forward in hockey, I always hope to get told off in at least an original way, if not a clever one... but alas, this sad specimen of Soccer Mom managed only to muster mouthing "Fuck You" while giving me the finger... though she did it balancing a cigarette, so some skill, though the French judge only gave her a 2.1... It might not have been pretty, but at least it provoked the appropriate response out of me... As if I was channeling some sort of Anger Muse, I shouted back, "Yeah.... Well Occupy This Bitch!" whilst I motioned my hands towards my crotchal region as I thrust forward, causing me to speed forward as my foot was still firmly on the accelerator... that sly smirk sliding across like a cat who just ate the canary... God I'm clever... Jesus... Where is my mind?

I'm still smirking as I pull in my driveway... this has amused me far too much, a testament to a shitty day... I've discovered how close to bachelorhood I am at any given moment... and I don't mean single, far from it... those old habits and ways are just under the surface waiting to crest... Case in point... The fiancee is off to play volleyball and though, I like to think I'm progressive in my views on social issues, she usually does the cooking... this ensures I actually eat healthy... problem is, everything to eat is so damned time-consuming to make... My options are cereal (bachelor's favourite) or wait... there are eggs, omelet it is... I turn to breakfast food more so for the ease than the enjoyment... 5 minutes, done before the coffee is even brewed... Great because no wait, but not so good because you have to cut that pot off early, and that means the first pour is ten times stronger than it needs to be... A quick disrobing and rough scattering of clothes around the living room... SportsCentre on way too loud, and ahhh... this is the life...Jesus... Where is my mind?

Lies: So I'm Gonna Write My Words On The Face Of Today...

Robert Frost once wrote about being thankful for taking a road "less traveled"... You see the gist is, there are two roads that meet at an intersection... to the left of you lies a dark and dangerous path, filled with pitfalls and traps, long, twisting, but ultimately rewarding in richness of knowledge... versus the right, a straight, smooth, plain road that is very direct from point A to point B... yet void of adventure and wisdom... with our author choosing left with no regrets.

What I can't figure out is, who plays the fool? Do you shake your head at a person who chooses left and mutter 'dumbass'... or is it cowardice to go right? What if the road you just came from was as fucked as the choices that lay before you?... Can you not just set up camp, exclaim you'll not go back, but you'll not go further, and twiddle the years away waiting for that one semi to come by that puts you out of your misery?... 

I've never been a gambler... each major choice, for the most part, I've made has been contemplated... calculated... slept on... lied awake to... agonized over... and those that I have not performed this ritual on have ended in a bad way... so ok Mikey, learn... think... you find yourself at a fork... what are you going to do?...I'll sleep on it...

Morning comes... I've had to change my alarm to my fiancee's voice sternly lecturing, "Wake the Fuck Up" so at least I hear an alarm... though I snooze it 10 times before I finally stumble to the shower... staying under the hot water for half an hour trying to gain my wits... Another half an hour passes as I rush out the door and head for my morning coffee... same routine... same routine that has me arriving to work half an hour late... but I don't care... I've stopped caring long ago... if I didn't have to go back, I wouldn't be too upset... but that's the problem with ruts, once your in them, if you're not equipped, it take a lot of effort to get out.

It's not that my work is a bad place to be... many people quite enjoy it, and even more are struggling to get in... It's more... I'm just done with my profession as a whole... I promised myself 10 years, and I'm 3 years overdue keeping it. But I analyze... if this is the fork, then right would be to stay gainfully employed at a job I'm good at, and paid well for, yet void of adventure and wisdom... and left... well... left would be a number of lefts really... since my only secondary skills are sandblasting, football, and having a wealth of useless trivia... not too promising... 

Oh First World Problems... they seem so daunting... but when I ask myself if when I'm old, I can look back at my life and say that I've made a difference... if I had to judge to date... the answer is no... so, when life is hard you have to change...

Lies: Rebel Without a Cause...

It's 3:50pm... I've been staring at a blank form page for this blog for about an hour now... It's hidden behind a remote desktop session of a server I've been building, but I still see it, staring back at me, waiting in anticipation for the first keystroke. There is so much going on in the world right now, Haiti, Egypt, Algeria, still Iraq, still Afghanistan, still shitty economy, still snow to shovel, still still still...yet, I don't care...I really, really don't care...

When I was young, I was pretty involved in World Politics... to the point that there was this one girl who liked me, and I liked her back, but she was involved in the Young Liberals, and me being PC Youth...well...just couldn't have that union happen... I would discuss ad nauseum issues with my Poli Sci profs, or Religious Studies profs if that were the subject that interested me that day... I would hatch plans, defend opinions, plot actions, and know the feeling of power that an undetermined future gave you... Meh... what crap...

Call it innocence lost if you want to be melodramatic... or growing up if you are more realistically inclined... or satiated with life as it is if you are an activist... regardless... what it all boils down to is comfort... I have become comfortable in my life... Lost is the will to stand up in anger over anything more offending than my Roger's Cable bill... People are dying, struggling to make a better life for themselves and their family, and all I can think is, "Well, guess a trip to Egypt is out this year, maybe Italy?"... Fuck...

I have a cushy job... not too strenuous, doesn't require me to work too much overtime, nor do my mistakes/triumphs impact the company in a severe way... I get paid a stupid amount of money to look busy... Christ I'm blogging as I 'work'... I drive home tonight, free of danger save for the odd idiot who cannot navigate a snowy road, to a modest townhouse and my big screen tv... watch some reruns, maybe a workout, then off to clean bed to sleep... wake-up/repeat...

I miss that fire... that funny little dance you do as you pull your hair out screaming things like, "I can't believe you think Churchill was a pussy!" and such... I need to think I can change the world, if only for one small lifetime... I need to be able to slam my fist down and say, "this is what I believe!" about something, anything, the smallest thing, doesn't matter... lethargy is a killer...

Ideas?