It's 3:50pm... I've been staring at a blank form page for this blog for about an hour now... It's hidden behind a remote desktop session of a server I've been building, but I still see it, staring back at me, waiting in anticipation for the first keystroke. There is so much going on in the world right now, Haiti, Egypt, Algeria, still Iraq, still Afghanistan, still shitty economy, still snow to shovel, still still still...yet, I don't care...I really, really don't care...
When I was young, I was pretty involved in World Politics... to the point that there was this one girl who liked me, and I liked her back, but she was involved in the Young Liberals, and me being PC Youth...well...just couldn't have that union happen... I would discuss ad nauseum issues with my Poli Sci profs, or Religious Studies profs if that were the subject that interested me that day... I would hatch plans, defend opinions, plot actions, and know the feeling of power that an undetermined future gave you... Meh... what crap...
Call it innocence lost if you want to be melodramatic... or growing up if you are more realistically inclined... or satiated with life as it is if you are an activist... regardless... what it all boils down to is comfort... I have become comfortable in my life... Lost is the will to stand up in anger over anything more offending than my Roger's Cable bill... People are dying, struggling to make a better life for themselves and their family, and all I can think is, "Well, guess a trip to Egypt is out this year, maybe Italy?"... Fuck...
I have a cushy job... not too strenuous, doesn't require me to work too much overtime, nor do my mistakes/triumphs impact the company in a severe way... I get paid a stupid amount of money to look busy... Christ I'm blogging as I 'work'... I drive home tonight, free of danger save for the odd idiot who cannot navigate a snowy road, to a modest townhouse and my big screen tv... watch some reruns, maybe a workout, then off to clean bed to sleep... wake-up/repeat...
I miss that fire... that funny little dance you do as you pull your hair out screaming things like, "I can't believe you think Churchill was a pussy!" and such... I need to think I can change the world, if only for one small lifetime... I need to be able to slam my fist down and say, "this is what I believe!" about something, anything, the smallest thing, doesn't matter... lethargy is a killer...
Ideas?
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