Beast from the East

Lies: Way Out In The Water, See It Swimming

2011-11-08T15:44:00.000-08:00

I'm going to try and start a new swear gesture... I'm quite pleased by it, being the spur of the moment that it was... Another boring as fuck day came to a close at the office, and I was mindlessly stuck in traffic trying to distance myself from that place... I found myself strangely hypnotized by a portable compressor that a city truck was towing behind it... bobbling back and forth between the lane lines... the tail lights dancing before me like fireflies in the night... my head slowly swaying back and forth transfixed... in time with the sway... not noticing that I had crossed out of the left lane partially into the right, thus cutting off a less than enthused proud owner of a rusted Caravan...

I guess, from being an antagonistic forward in hockey, I always hope to get told off in at least an original way, if not a clever one... but alas, this sad specimen of Soccer Mom managed only to muster mouthing "Fuck You" while giving me the finger... though she did it balancing a cigarette, so some skill, though the French judge only gave her a 2.1... It might not have been pretty, but at least it provoked the appropriate response out of me... As if I was channeling some sort of Anger Muse, I shouted back, "Yeah.... Well Occupy This Bitch!" whilst I motioned my hands towards my crotchal region as I thrust forward, causing me to speed forward as my foot was still firmly on the accelerator... that sly smirk sliding across like a cat who just ate the canary... God I'm clever... Jesus... Where is my mind?

I'm still smirking as I pull in my driveway... this has amused me far too much, a testament to a shitty day... I've discovered how close to bachelorhood I am at any given moment... and I don't mean single, far from it... those old habits and ways are just under the surface waiting to crest... Case in point... The fiancee is off to play volleyball and though, I like to think I'm progressive in my views on social issues, she usually does the cooking... this ensures I actually eat healthy... problem is, everything to eat is so damned time-consuming to make... My options are cereal (bachelor's favourite) or wait... there are eggs, omelet it is... I turn to breakfast food more so for the ease than the enjoyment... 5 minutes, done before the coffee is even brewed... Great because no wait, but not so good because you have to cut that pot off early, and that means the first pour is ten times stronger than it needs to be... A quick disrobing and rough scattering of clothes around the living room... SportsCentre on way too loud, and ahhh... this is the life...Jesus... Where is my mind?

Lies: So I'm Gonna Write My Words On The Face Of Today...

2011-11-07T20:00:00.000-08:00

Robert Frost once wrote about being thankful for taking a road "less traveled"... You see the gist is, there are two roads that meet at an intersection... to the left of you lies a dark and dangerous path, filled with pitfalls and traps, long, twisting, but ultimately rewarding in richness of knowledge... versus the right, a straight, smooth, plain road that is very direct from point A to point B... yet void of adventure and wisdom... with our author choosing left with no regrets.

What I can't figure out is, who plays the fool? Do you shake your head at a person who chooses left and mutter 'dumbass'... or is it cowardice to go right? What if the road you just came from was as fucked as the choices that lay before you?... Can you not just set up camp, exclaim you'll not go back, but you'll not go further, and twiddle the years away waiting for that one semi to come by that puts you out of your misery?...

I've never been a gambler... each major choice, for the most part, I've made has been contemplated... calculated... slept on... lied awake to... agonized over... and those that I have not performed this ritual on have ended in a bad way... so ok Mikey, learn... think... you find yourself at a fork... what are you going to do?...I'll sleep on it...

Morning comes... I've had to change my alarm to my fiancee's voice sternly lecturing, "Wake the Fuck Up" so at least I hear an alarm... though I snooze it 10 times before I finally stumble to the shower... staying under the hot water for half an hour trying to gain my wits... Another half an hour passes as I rush out the door and head for my morning coffee... same routine... same routine that has me arriving to work half an hour late... but I don't care... I've stopped caring long ago... if I didn't have to go back, I wouldn't be too upset... but that's the problem with ruts, once your in them, if you're not equipped, it take a lot of effort to get out.

It's not that my work is a bad place to be... many people quite enjoy it, and even more are struggling to get in... It's more... I'm just done with my profession as a whole... I promised myself 10 years, and I'm 3 years overdue keeping it. But I analyze... if this is the fork, then right would be to stay gainfully employed at a job I'm good at, and paid well for, yet void of adventure and wisdom... and left... well... left would be a number of lefts really... since my only secondary skills are sandblasting, football, and having a wealth of useless trivia... not too promising...

Oh First World Problems... they seem so daunting... but when I ask myself if when I'm old, I can look back at my life and say that I've made a difference... if I had to judge to date... the answer is no... so, when life is hard you have to change...

Lies: Rebel Without a Cause...

2011-02-03T13:14:00.000-08:00

It's 3:50pm... I've been staring at a blank form page for this blog for about an hour now... It's hidden behind a remote desktop session of a server I've been building, but I still see it, staring back at me, waiting in anticipation for the first keystroke. There is so much going on in the world right now, Haiti, Egypt, Algeria, still Iraq, still Afghanistan, still shitty economy, still snow to shovel, still still still...yet, I don't care...I really, really don't care...

When I was young, I was pretty involved in World Politics... to the point that there was this one girl who liked me, and I liked her back, but she was involved in the Young Liberals, and me being PC Youth...well...just couldn't have that union happen... I would discuss ad nauseum issues with my Poli Sci profs, or Religious Studies profs if that were the subject that interested me that day... I would hatch plans, defend opinions, plot actions, and know the feeling of power that an undetermined future gave you... Meh... what crap...

Call it innocence lost if you want to be melodramatic... or growing up if you are more realistically inclined... or satiated with life as it is if you are an activist... regardless... what it all boils down to is comfort... I have become comfortable in my life... Lost is the will to stand up in anger over anything more offending than my Roger's Cable bill... People are dying, struggling to make a better life for themselves and their family, and all I can think is, "Well, guess a trip to Egypt is out this year, maybe Italy?"... Fuck...

I have a cushy job... not too strenuous, doesn't require me to work too much overtime, nor do my mistakes/triumphs impact the company in a severe way... I get paid a stupid amount of money to look busy... Christ I'm blogging as I 'work'... I drive home tonight, free of danger save for the odd idiot who cannot navigate a snowy road, to a modest townhouse and my big screen tv... watch some reruns, maybe a workout, then off to clean bed to sleep... wake-up/repeat...

I miss that fire... that funny little dance you do as you pull your hair out screaming things like, "I can't believe you think Churchill was a pussy!" and such... I need to think I can change the world, if only for one small lifetime... I need to be able to slam my fist down and say, "this is what I believe!" about something, anything, the smallest thing, doesn't matter... lethargy is a killer...

Ideas?

Lifestyle: Superstition ain't the way...

2010-09-27T13:57:00.000-07:00

Wow...March eh? That's the last blog I've written, an infamous posted and deleted from March...I've had nothing worth writing about since March...nah that can't be right...I mean...so much has happened, so much change, drama, laughs and cries...it doesn't seem like it's been since March...I feel like an adult who revisits the house of his youth, only to find that rocking horse in the attic, covered in dust and cobwebs, worn handles and marks in the wood, but still intact...the seat looks inviting, I'm going to rock for a spell...

I'm spooked...as I've come to realize, my only muse to write seems to be emotional pain...mainly selfish, self-loathing rants designed as both therapy and punishment...as attacks or in defence, regardless of how well-worded or clever...well...that's boring, even if you like their music, you realize that you only needed to buy AC/DC albums up to Back in Black, the rest is just repetition...Yet here I am...writing...a little lackluster maybe, but writing...naked, without the comfort and warmth of bitter misery...I've cast off that shadow, I've met the day, I'm having tea in the garden...where's my top hat...

I'm about to close the book on 2 years...I'm a few days away from it...the bookmark has been placed on the second last page for months. I know how the story ends...there will be no surprise climax...and though I've been procrastinating finally finishing it off, it's time to put it on the shelf to collect dust with the rest...so I will do it justice, finish off that chapter, and whole-heartedly delve into the one I've been enjoying these last three months...it's a comedy/drama...I haven't laughed so hard....

A funny thing happens sometimes...sometimes after you've picked yourself up, smoothed out the wrinkles, adjusted the necktie, checked your collar, smeared down that cowlick, and step into that life you've created for yourself...sometimes you miss that puddle as you walk...make it through a whole coffee wearing a still white shirt...catch that elevator before the doors close...

Am I less interesting to read now? Maybe...no one slows on the 401 when there is no accident...well... seldom...Maybe I'll find something different to speak on...there is an election coming...you can smell it in the air...

Lifestyle: I am Solar Powered...but still pollute...

2010-03-16T14:40:00.000-07:00

I love sunny days....warm sunny days...not the kind you get in the summer though...you expect those ones...rather the kind that come around when you don't really think they ever would...like today...today is a great sunny day...Winter just might be over...Spring has yet to arrive in full force...days like this you cherish, because you are not supposed to have them...

I must be a bear...all Winter I semi-hibernate...I do play Winter sports...like hockey, skiing, even had our own version of Winter Olympics up at Jer's place with the volleyball crew...but for the most part...the days just pass...don't go outside much...not really that active...things are quiet...until that first sunny day...

As a kid, my marks would plummet around April/May...too busy staring out the window wishing I was chasing tadpoles or playing baseball...I'd get really fidgety...and things haven't change...I'm really fidgety right now...and I've been outside 3 times already...this blog is suffering creativity in lieu of needing to escape to enjoy the rest of the day...ha....I want to go for a drive...see some water...begging for summer to arrive...

Days like today catch you by surprise...Days like today give you hope that tomorrow will be brighter...Days like today encourage you to finally shrug off that heavy overcoat you've been suffering under all Winter...Days like today allow you to willingly step outside, not forcibly...Days like today will bring you peace of mind...Days like today are too rare...Days like today...happen for a reason...Days like today...well..makes me wish that everyday could have been like today, but reminds me that we can find our own sunny days, in our own way...

Lifestyle: Last Of The White Collar Tweakers

2010-03-15T15:05:00.000-07:00

Little sleep...I had such hopes for rest...I was back from Leamington on Sunday by supper time...my plans for that night were cancelled...I didn't even need to do laundry...nothing to do but sit and veg and relax...it had been quite a week. No...my body doesn't know what to do with downtime anymore...I've given it such a workout keeping busy that sitting idly is torture...but I force myself. Luckily the Grindhouse Double Bill was playing on IFC...at least I'll be entertained...until 2 am.

I never sleep well after I've had contact with her...I'm not at that point yet...yet...

Morning comes...I've managed to hit both snooze alarms about 50 times...I'm late..or will be late...so I make up some excuse about an appointment and that I'll be in by 10am...and drag myself to the shower. I'm the king of showers...or at least in their duration...I caught my knees giving out from under me...I must have nodded off standing again...leaned into the corner...the hot water and smell of lever 2000 does nothing to brighten my day...

45 minutes later (I told you...) the water had run cold...at least I'm now awake...I stumble into the bedroom...stand there, dripping...staring at the covers turned aside...they are so inviting...perhaps if I let them swallow me, I'll never have to see the day again...

No!...that voice inside me rebels...I don't think it's conscience...because I don't think I have one...or at least have never displayed it...I stare at a whiteboard that is drilled into the bedroom wall...it's still has children's drawings on it...I should have removed that by now...I need to remodel...I need a change of scenery...but I'm not ready to depart Ontario...so new colours on the wall will have to suffice...as soon as Krista gets a free weekend...

I wasn't going to start the day with a coffee and egg McMuffin...I was going to grocery shop and get healthy food...something at least to keep that litre of milk and half empty jar of mayonnaise company...I inhale the junk food at stop lights...so I can cram another cigarette in before I get to work...I have to remember to pay Hydro today...they'll cut me off if not...and it's not like I don't have the money...more the fact that I've been afraid to check the mailbox for 3 weeks...tax season...that's my excuse to explain why I have this unnatural phobia...

An hour late...I trod down the main hallway at work which seems exceptionally long this morning...the metaphor slaps me in the face of the light at the end of the hall that seems so far away...and I reach it only to realize that there is another sharp right then left turn...then more hall...of course...

I sit with a sigh...let it begin...Monday after being away...always hell...strange...no emergencies...are things that calm...or do my eyes betray me...and people leave me alone...I've made a choice...I'm going to ask my counselor to refer me to a therapist...fuck...am I ever becoming an Upper Canadian...back home...you'd just drink the pain of it all away and things would be fine...broke...but fine...at least in the little world you have provided yourself...

I feel like I'm crossing a frozen pond...but it's getting on to spring...the air is warm...and I need to get to the other side...but the long way around is too long...so I cross. The ice groans and cracks under my feet as I walk like a trapeze artist...water bubbles up in the thinner parts...I dodge those but my feet are soaked...I stop to survey the landscape...if this was a bad idea...it's too late to turn back now...I am making it across, slowly, with little wear save for a cold pinky toe...but the path is so precarious...at any point I feel I can fall through...and that would be it...I'm tired...but I fight the desire to see that outcome...

The day moves on...there are good people around me...and they have been texting all day to keep me occupied...and there is work too...I actually got stuff done...though not what I wanted...no workout plan created...no diet researched...no calls made...but hey, Hydro was paid...I'll have lights tonight...maybe I'll take that as more metaphorical than just power...maybe I've provided my own light in the darkness...of mine own accord...sweet...that whiteboard just might come down tonight after all....

Love: Selling Yourself Without Selling Yourself Short...

2010-03-14T20:14:00.000-07:00

I debated starting and ending this blog with the simple phrase, "Dating...sucks ass...try to avoid if at all possible"...and I'm not talking relationships...those are great...for a while at least...but I mean dating...getting to that step...it sucks ass...

I'm not bitter...not at all...I have been 100% happily single for over a month...confused single for 2 months...and clear as mud single for 3 and a half months as I untangle my life from my ex-wife's...though with what has prompted this blog, happily in the sense I am no longer in a bad relationship...not happy to be single...

So...you're 33...divorced...overweight... recently wounded...and thrust back into a world you did not want to ever visit again...where the fuck did I put that map and compass...

When you hit this part...this is where your friends chime in with all the motivational speeches about how great a guy you are, or how she doesn't know what she's lost...how you need to be happy in your own skin, able to love yourself first...the one I got recently is it is better to be alone than wrong... or how you are going to find that great girl to make you happy...blah blah blah...you are thankful for their support...but words can only go so far...

So what do you do? You do have options...you can rebound with someone new, as fast as you can, to fool yourself and hurt your ex...I think I'll pass....you can rebound with an ex...also pass...you can hole-up and create a World of Warcraft character and withdraw from the world...I would consider that one only if I could be a high-level Paladin...and you don't start off with that...and I'm not dedicated enough to put in the hours building up a character to that...oh...and the lack of sex with other than your hand deters me of that one too...or you can do the most painful...turn and face it all head-on...it's hard...you cry...a lot...you sleep...very little...you eat...very little...you drink...a lot...you work...a lot...you make yourself busy so that you only grant yourself select moments where you have nothing but your thoughts to tackle...it's not for the timid...but you come out of it ready to move on...on your own terms...and although there are some things that only time or another love interest will finally banish...you don't entertain faltering...that is not an option...

So...now you're 33...divorced...overweight...recently healed...and walking around in this world of dating you've been thrust into...still no map or compass...but you are leaving bread crumbs and rock piles to track your path...add to it the fact that you've been down this road a few times before...and you know the routine...you are on the upswing...although that is a variable expanse of time...and here you are dating...

Fuck...you have been on enough of them now, you should know the procedure:

1. Go out

2. Meet Girl

3. Discover mutual interest

4. Date girl

5. If successful, continue to relationship, go to step 7

6. If unsuccessful, back to the drawing board, go to step 1

7. Have a relationship

8. If successful, continue to fall in love, go to step 10

9. If unsuccessful, back to the drawing board, go to step 1

10. Fall in love
11. Propose
12. If successful, continue to marriage, go to step 14
13. If unsuccessful, go back to at least step 7, if not step 1
14. Marriage
15. I think it's happily ever after at this point...with work of course...I made it to version b of 15, divorce and go back to step 1

Who am I joking...it's not even close to being that simple...if it was...Plenty of Fish wouldn't have 155,000 users currently online....I know this fact because, sadly...I've created a profile...ah...when in Rome...but as I said before...this part sucks ass...selling yourself without selling yourself short...your mental health suffers as you deal with the ups and downs of acceptance and rejection...your finances take a hit because of all the dinners/movies/entertainment you pay for...if you go on enough first date only's...your sex life disappears...augment this with the odd one that you go on a few dates with before you decide no...and you can't help but feeling a little depressed....

Some people have the ability to sit and wait...not I...I'm too much of an emotional person who craves human interaction to just sit idly by...So I dance the dance...and continue to tell myself...6 months down the road...this will all be behind you and you will laugh at how pathetic you are right now...why the fuck doesn't life have a fast forward button...

Lifestyle: Friday March 12th - Mama I'm Coming Home...

2010-03-12T11:57:00.000-08:00

No sleep...none...I won't go into why...

I need to develop a speed habit or something to make it through these kinds of weeks...neck hurts from bobbing in class...I've done the labs...and I've blogged about this week to keep awake...probably why they have become less funny and creative as they go...sorry folks...I'll be more witty tomorrow...

Sadly...not going to CMW tonight....I have hockey in Waterloo...and like I said before...I love music...but I'm married to hockey...and I love it so...besides...it's a good time and beer with the guys after is a must...

BUT...I must encourage you, no...convince you...no still....threaten you that if you don't, I'll drown your pets and burn your house down...ok...harsh...I won't do that...but you must...if you go anywhere tonight...go to the Library Bar at 1:00am in TO...you will witness the awe inspiring Billy the Kid...

Packing up...short and sweet...

Lifestyle: Thursday March 11th - For Those About To Rock, We Salute You

2010-03-12T11:42:00.000-08:00

No sleep...going to need copious amounts of coffee today...

I fell asleep for a bit in class...didn't miss anything...

Blah blah blah....SharePoint SharePoint SharePoint...Web Web Web...done!

I need a nap...have a headache...it's 4:30pm...Springer! Springer! Springer! I get up...I was debating skipping the first couple of bands for a sleep, especially since Naaz bailed still feeling the ills of that dreaded Mocha...and Jan and Dave had plans already...but I thought NO...I'm here, it's what I want to do...let's go!

So I do the 2s's...still no razor to shave with...done my punk best...and head downtown again. First Stop...The Drake Hotel...Digits starts at 8, Low Level Flight to follow...great warm up...then jump in the Jeep, head further up Queen to the Rivoli...tried to get in there last year, forget for what band...but was following Carrie, Amber, and Mary 5E around...so went where they went...I knew Saint Alvia would be heavy...headache hadn't subsided...but fuckit....it's Saint Alvia.... \m/....the crowd went nuts for them...spitting beer back and forth...tattooed chicks pierced everywhere wearing almost nothing abounded....woot! But this is not why I came downtown...

The Horseshoe Tavern...like the Temple on the Mount for Indie Music...or was at least...the first time in there I saw the Rheostatics....I'll never forget that night...My friend Jennie introduced me to a band called The Besnard Lakes...gloom rock for lack of a better term, very sedate...but very good...they went on stage at the Horseshoe at midnight...They are up there for my current favourite band...edged out by Airborne Toxic Event...

I capped the night off at the most rockingness kickass motherfucking dive but you fucking love it place on all of Queen...The Bovine Sex Club....Monster Truck 2am....raaaaaaawwwwkkkk!!!!! and it woke we up some too, allowed me to make it back to the hotel, and crawl into bed at 4am yet again....I think I'm going to die tomorrow...

Helix was right....

Lifestyle: Wednesday March 10th - Death is for the Weekend...

2010-03-12T11:20:00.000-08:00

I think that's what Brad sings...Cold War...great tune...my favourite Spirits track...

This course is not as advanced as I thought. I am self taught in SharePoint...I guess I'm a good teacher, though there are some things I didn't know how to do, or was doing less correctly that has made it worthwhile...Parked near the building today...had my 2 toonies and a loonie ready...

I didn't sleep well...my mind still dreams of her...not in a "I miss her" fashion, nor a "I want to see her crawling back" way either...just dumb everyday stuff...like grocery shopping...I need better dreams...no matter...time for some fun...

I met Naaz at Christie where I work...she was on a Mat-Leave contract and I had just started. We had a little chemistry I think...at least in the way that we were interested in what the other had to say. Her contract ended not long after we met and she was forced to move back to Toronto for financial reasons. I had tried to meet up with her before when I went to my friend Jan's Roller Derby meet (match/scrimmage/game/whatever you call it) one Saturday...but it didn't pan out. She was game for Thursday, but had texted and said she could do tonight too...awesome...it will be fun, I'll get to show her some great bands and she'll get to show me her town...fair trade...

We met at this Indian Tapas place on Augusta in the heart of Little Italy...I know...I found that weird too, but it sounded like a good place, so we tried it out. She, being 'brown' as she refers to it, was very picky about the whole Indian restaurant experience...she would have made a good Foodie for Restaurantica...the website I used to work for. I decided to step out of my comfort zone, and try some new food...it's been a long time since Anapama's mother's kitchen before Brandon and Erica's wedding...that was good curry...

Had Chicken Kurma and Naan...very tasty but not spicy enough..ah well...next time...wine was good though...right next door was the Bread and Circus...where we were headed that night...to see Spirits...one of my favourite Indie Bands.

I had first attended a Spirits show in Sept 2008. Carrie and I had been dating a couple of months, and she had them play one of her shows. I had been to a number of her shows by then, ran some of them even, but I was blown away...wow...the energy...the tightness...the talent...wow...that is what a band should sound like...I've gone to as many of their shows as I could...even tried to get into their private release party in the Hammer where the Pixies...that's right...the friggin' Pixies....opened for them. Anyway...Nick their drummer works at a venue where Carrie used to hold shows, and since I ran most of those shows, Nick and I got to know each other well...but haven't talked since Carrie and I split...which was why he was surprised to see me when I walked in the Bread and Circus...but glad to as well.

I think I converted trance-loving Naaz to a little rock that night...she absolutely loved them, which she should, they are such a treat to see...too bad Naaz had to go and have a Mocha Latte earlier that day, and left her Lactose-Intolerance pills at home...we couldn't stay for HippyMafia...which I'm sure was also a good show, Mike D does well...

Waited with Naaz for her ride, then talked with Yvonne a bit, and I realized, it's still only early...so I rush to the Jeep, jump in...and go see another favourite, though not Indie anymore...Cage the Elephant....Rocked!!! Great show again...I've seen these guys twice now...they don't disappoint. Ended up at the Phoenix after the show...having some beers with the two brothers from Cage...wow...nice treat. I heard them on the radio the next morning on the Dean Blundel show...no mention of me...ah well...not as important as I think I am...

4am night...up at 8am....ugh....but oh so worth it...

Lifestyle: Tuesday March 9th - Web 2.0 this Motherfucker!

2010-03-12T10:48:00.000-08:00

Pipe dreams are fun...like falling in love with someone you haven't even met yet...or winning the lotto...or thinking that this week would ease up on me...

Funny enough...I found this place fairly easily this morning...I took the time to look it up before I left the hotel. I was way too early, wanted to make sure I didn't have the same problems as the night before...but what to do now? Hey there's a Cora's...nice...good breakfast to start the day. A nice omelet later, and I'm at the building, but I cannot figure out where to park. I park at the TD next door, walk into the lobby, look for the non-existent concierge for info on parking and go up to class. They inform me that there is parking on one side of the building I could use. Go down...move Jeep by meter...walk up with a Ten-Spot...hmm...doesn't take money, only credit.

I don't have a credit card anymore...So I park across the road at the Toys R Us...hoping they don't tow. Find out when I get here that it took coins, just not bills...fuck...ah well...could be a long day.

I can't learn anything unless I'm in a classroom...and that classroom has to be bright and uncomfortable and cold...I learned so much in Calculus class back in University because it was cold and bright and crappy...I lie...I failed that class..excuse me, 'withdrew from' that class with a 12...it was also 8:30 mornings...what are those when it's your first year at University???

I have a comfy chair, the room is dark so we can see the projector...and Microsoft Office SharePoint Server is about as interesting to learn as listening to Ben Stein lecture on paint drying techniques...

Decent lunch...but it's nice outside...very nice...like 10 degrees nice...I go for a walk...mostly to make sure I'm still parked at the Mall, but to enjoy the day too. Jeep is still there..all is good. More learning...then out by 4...get back to the hotel, strip down to underwear and sprawl diagonally on the king size...it's a nice room...flake out to some TV...chat to some friends...and nod off...slept like a Champion...

Finally some rest...

Lifestyle: Monday March 8th - Oh if I could only escape...

2010-03-12T10:23:00.000-08:00

So after pulling a full days work on the weekend, trying to tie up loose ends so I can get away to Toronto, the morning just starts out badly...the 'aroma' of my hockey gear left in the Jeep overnight is like a punch in the face when the weather is warmer...that coupled with the fact that I missed garbage day last Wednesday and the bags on the floor in the garage suffered the same fate as my hockey bag... I was given the realization that I will miss garbage day once again this week due to being away...and the lack of time or ptions I had present to avoid that were lacking...I just shut the door, jumped in the Jeep and headed to work.

I had to be up early to make a conference call with some consultants from India...ok..8am might not be early to most, but us night-owl bachelors, 8am is ungodly.... The call didn't even happen...there at work, at my desk, 8:01am...no call...grr...but hey, that means I can skip out early at the end of the day...run to TO, check in, and start my week away right? Ha...

I look at my whiteboard...Only 9 major projects on the go right now...not too bad (for those readers who don't know...that is heavily doused in sarcasm), only 5 of them due by June...I can do this...it's not like they all need something from me before I leave today...wrong!

So, head buried, I power out my deadlines...make short work of the standard 2 hours of meeting at least per day, and low and behold...it's 3:30...I'm free! Rush home, pack...because I put it off all weekend because procrastination is one of my talents...I haven't checked my mail in 3 weeks...it's a skill... I'm praying for an iron in the hotel room, because I'm just pulling random shirts from a pile on the floor...now that's the clean pile, but pile nonetheless...

It's 5...I'm on the road...gas up, get a coffee...get travelling supplies...check the oil...windshield washer...air in tires...good...tear off up the Dundee road headed to the 401. Traffic is heavy...but moving...only slow down at Erin Mills Parkway for a bit... I realized I didn't write down the address of the hotel. I know it's just off the 401 on Dixon...or was that Dixie...no Dixon....yes...Dixon... I fight through 6 lanes to get into the collector at the last minute...head down Dixon and it's becoming more residential than it should be...and Matheson drive was just off the 401...why can't I find it... I pull over, find the email...damn...it was Dixie...how the fuck do I get there without driving back onto the 401 and retracing... I don't mind being lost, as long as I don't backtrack...

I keep my Blackberry in the French Language... I tell people it's because I was bilingual at one point, and it helps keep me in touch with French here in this English part of the world...but really...it's because it's different and unique, and that to me is cool, so I'm doing it for the cool factor. It's now that I realize I am more rusty than I thought, and I am having a hard time translating the directions for using the GPS on my Blackberry...all this while fighting traffic...thank god for no cops...

I pull over, adjust the language settings, figure out how to use the GPS...and cut across town to Dixie...it's only 6:30 now, the concert tonight isn't until 8, plenty of time...

Wouldn't you know there is a Matheson Blvd W and Matheson Blvd S, which of course run perpendicular to each other...fuck!...I find it...check in...shit shower shave...ah...no razor...just the first two...change and run out...7:30...need to get to the ACC...I don't know how people who live in TO deal with Gardiner traffic day in day out...I wanted a gun...

$20 parking...but I'm right across from the ACC...deal...left jacket in Jeep...sprint to gate...search pocket for ticket...goddammit....really???....sprint back (at this point I should inform you that I am a big guy...and you should be very impressed that I can run, let alone sprint)...search jacket...found ticket...walk back...too much sprinting...make my way to the 200s...but no time to sit, Silversun Pickups had just started. Amazing...love them...great to see them in a big venue.

Didn't stay for Muse...

Grab some food, back to the Hotel...it's midnight...tomorrow is the course...and down time before CMW...

This week had better be less hectic...

Lifestyle: How Can You Afford Your Rock And Roll Lifestyle?

2010-03-12T09:43:00.000-08:00

I wanted to wait to blog again until I had something more interesting to talk about than pissing and moaning over my love-life...and finally...I do...a lot.

I will start this preamble with this caveat, I have learned to love and enjoy one new thing after every long term relationship I have ever had. One taught me to like Antiquing, one how to dress fashionably, one how to hate Newfies, and my most recent, how to fall in love with music again...

I've always had music around, I know everyone says that...look on a dating site...90% of people put music as an interest, but having a favourite radio station or singing Britney Spears word for word hardly counts as a love of music. I mean more than a like, more than an appreciation, it's not just a hobby...to be cliche, it's a soundtrack to your life. I know musicians get this, that's why they become musicians, but for us few, who have the creativity, but not the dexterity, to become musicians...well...we have to find other ways.

I have friends who are 'in' to music. Brandon produces a quarterly report of his recommendations for new albums, giving his thoughts behind them. He and I are usually bang on with tastes...though mine go a little less mainstream than his. Others blog about it, critique venues and events, and give me the heads up on what is coming down the pipe for good tunes. Others were in a band when we went to University, and they played at "The Green House" almost every weekend...so I didn't just listen...I lived...

So...even with such a bad taste in my mouth for my previous life...the one thing I carried through is Music...and what do you do when you are in Toronto for a week, on a training course for work, while the biggest Indie Event of the year is going on (CMW)?...Well you go dumbass...you go enjoy it.

I was looking through the MusicFest schedule, and I could pick out about 14 bands that I had met personally over the last year and a half, and devised a way to see them all. It's been one hell of a week, and it's only really half over.

I guess, with each of life's trials, you learn something new about yourself...something you can add to the mix to define who you are. I'm a dabbler...I mingle and schmooze...operate in many different circles, jack of all trades, master of none...so am I as committed to the Indie music scene in Canada like some others that I know? Not even close...but I enjoy it...proud of it...proud to be part, in my own little way, of it...and I apply it to my life like the other lessons and tools I've collected along the way.

Sport: Punks who can dish it but can't take it

2010-01-31T17:06:00.000-08:00

I love the rough stuff....grinding hard along the boards, causing traffic in front of the goalie, killer hits; it's very rare that I come home from a hockey game without something bloodied or bruised.

I think it stems from growing up in a 'neighbourhood' (really just a country road with a couple of houses on it) where most of the kids were a few years older than I. It was either play outside with them, or sit inside all day. Add to this that I was a big kid growing up, I was the same size as a couple of the other boys who were 5 years older, and they didn't treat you any different, a tackle was a tackle, live with it, take the pounding, and get up and do it again. It was fun, toughened you up, and made me the goon I am today...lol.

Growing up, I'd fatten up, then hit a growth spurt, then fatten up, then another growth spurt, but they day I fattened up and didn't get that growth spurt, was the day I realized how I could use my size to excel at hockey and football. My stats changed from about 50 pts a year and maybe 20 mins in penalties, to 12 pts a year and roughly 300 mins in penalties, and I loved it. It was fun, even when I was skating off the ice with a face full of blood from a busted nose, there'd still be a smile under there. I was never a dirty player, just an effective enforcer.

Now that I play non-contact leagues, I have lost some of that, and although I have to deal with the body penalties I get for people falling when we collide, for the most part the only thing I have left that I can do is stand in front of the net, screen the goalie, tip pucks, grab garbage rebounds, and push and shove with the defencemen who try and fail to move me.

And if you try, and you can't, and you resort to two-handed slashes to the back of my knees, expect an answer. If it wasn't for the $50 fine you get for fighting in this league, there would have been quite the tilt. Instead, there was everything short of dropping the gloves, and although there was a triumphant slam of the sin bin door, deep down, it was fun, I loved it.

Sport: I have gotten better at hockey since I have gotten old

2010-01-29T11:25:00.000-08:00

It's Friday, which means Friday Night Hockey for me; long gone are the days where I would have started pre-drinking at about 4:30, preparing for a crazy night that would go until the first hints of daylight on Saturday. No, parties are only parties, hockey is life.

I was thinking the other day...I am almost 34 now, and I started playing hockey at the age of 5, so that's what...almost 29 years...without missing a year, many years winter and summer, leagues, pickup, shinny, pond, competitive, recreational...I have been faithful, and devoted to the one thing that keeps me happy, through thick and thin, the constant that I can base my life around.

I truly love the sport. I cannot sit down and talk trivia or stats with anyone, my friend Piotes would destroy me in a trivia contest; but I play and I joke, those you can do, those who can't know trivia...but really, it's a religious experience more than a past time.

I can still hear the crack of the ice on a cold Sunday morning, as your blades cut through virgin glass on that old cow pasture watering hole, the one you've been watching for weeks, throwing cinder blocks on to see if they finally don't puncture through and sink. Your nostrils freeze together, your ears are numb, but your forehead sweats and your cheeks glow red.

Games would only be called for supper, or darkness, or that bull getting lose in the field and tearing after your red Canadiens jersey that you wear, unsure what he hates more, the colour, or the team.

When I get into a relationship, I declare upfront the nights on which I am off-limits, and they laugh thinking it's cute that they're dating a jock, only to find out that I'm being serious, do not get between me and the ice, you will not be happy with my decision. My ex-wife never got that, even with the fact that I had been playing 2 years longer than she has been alive...

It's therapy...I can clear my head, think back to simpler times, enjoy great comradery, stories, beer, vacate for a couple of hours to be refreshed and renewed in my ability to deal with life. Thankfully there's one person I know, who even though she's not working tonight like she was supposed to, and is hosting my visit for the weekend, that doesn't care that I'm staying up here for hockey tonight, or that I have to leave earlier on Sunday for hockey playoffs then as well...she's just happy that I'm there...and that quality is too rare in my life.

Wish us luck, this playoff run will be tough, but we have heart...and Ogie Ogilthorpe...

Lifestyle: God I've missed going to places like this...

2010-01-28T19:37:00.000-08:00

I had exclaimed tonight, and I have uttered it in the past, but it is one thing to travel to some place and discover something new and unseen, but what I find more enchanting, more exciting, is when you find a mystery in your own back yard....such was The Bauer Kitchen on King.

Yes it's atmosphere was quite appealing, a mix of old loft and new post-modern fixtures. Bonus that they had my scotch, the 12 year old Glenlivet available. But it wasn't the food nor the drink that made this place special tonight, it was the people.

I had met Hilary Abel at an event hosted at the Art Bar. My wife at the time was quite a social butterfly, and left me at the bar while she mingled. Luckily Hilary had carved out a niche there at the bar herself. We immediately hit it off, and have stayed in touch since then. It was she who organized a little get together called Cinq a Sept tonight at the Kitchen.

The invited were a select group of her friends, and what I had come to find as great group of young professionals, with interesting conversation to be had. I'd like to think I was my usual charming self, and enjoyed a convo that ranged from travel to sport to religion...I think potentially I've expanded my circle of friends tonight, which is something I have been lacking this last year and a half.

I left with a smile, this winter will not be as bleak as I thought...until le prochaine Cinq a Sept...and the exchange of new ideas with new friends...

Adieu